Ranking the NFL play-by-play guys

With the NFL draft over, I decided this would be a good time to look at the people that broadcast NFL games.

Not counting the retiring Dick Enberg, there are currently 18 NFL play-by-play guys on four networks that televise games. Enberg, who is now doing Padres baseball games full-time, has said he hopes to do a few low-level games for CBS after the baseball season is over, presumably those really bad matchups between teams that won't be in the playoffs. That means if Enberg gets his wish, the October 24 Jaguars-Chiefs game has his name written all over it.

It also means the best play-by-play guy to appear on CBS would be relegated to the lowest level game. That's a shame in two ways: that CBS' best guy is doing a nothing game (December 16, Chiefs-Rams, come on down!) and that CBS' best guy is in his mid-70s, sometimes is a little behind the play and sometimes mispronounces names. See, in doing this project, I've realized that the NFL is really lacking in quality play-by-play guys. We're nowhere near the 1980s when NBC unleashed a murderer's row of an in-his-prime Enberg, Marv Albert, Charlie Jones and a still-rock solid Don Criqui. Or the very early-1980s when CBS had a lineup that was the equivalent of the Big Red Machine: Pat Summerall (at his very peak, when he was first paired with Madden), Vin Scully, Jack Buck, Frank Glieber.

Now, we have FOX trotting out Thom Brennaman and a way-past-his-prime Dick Stockton. Yecch. Anyway, my ranking of the announcers.

1. Al Michaels, NBC: He's had an up-and-down career, in my view. He's always been the best play-by-play guy but his performance fluxuated based on who his partner was. He excelled when he was with Gifford and Dierdorf on Monday Night Football, tried his best with Boomer Esiason, failed when he was with Fouts and Dennis Miller because he always had to get the last word edge-wise over Miller, then failed with Madden because he didn't know how to set him up and had no chemistry with him at all, even though they worked together for seven seasons. Then he started losing interest in games that became blowouts before flex scheduling came about. But he nailed Super Bowl 43 with Madden (their final broadcast together and easily their best) and being paired with Cris Collinsworth revitalized him. Collinsworth is the perfect partner for Michaels and vice versa. When with the right partner Michaels is without peer and he's with the perfect partner right now.

2. Kenny Albert, FOX: If he were only a little better looking, he would probably be the star of FOX. Unfortunately, he has an abnormally large head, or it seems when looking at him on an HD screen. I remember hating him a few years ago when he was teamed with lesser partners but putting him with Moose Johnston and Tony Siragusa have made him shine. Kenny, Moose and Goose are easily the most entertaining of the Sunday announcing teams and it's clear Albert is the glue. I hated the Moose-Goose tandem when they were with Stockton a few years ago but with Albert, it works perfectly.

3. Kevin Harlan, CBS: Love how excited he gets at big moments while not making the moment about him. It's rare to find a play-by-play guy that does that, especially in football. I'd love to hear him with a better partner than Solomon Wilcots. Maybe CBS will pair him with Fouts now that Fouts' partner is off doing bad Padres games instead. Great on NBA games for TNT also.

4. Gus Johnson, CBS: Not the legend he is on March Madness but still pretty darn entertaining. Unlike Harlan, I'm not entirely sure he really knows all that much but his excitement level on the big moments remains off the charts. Remember this call in Week 1 last season:



Plus, he makes me laugh with some of his ridiculous calls (just as he does during March Madness). For example:



Can you imagine how awesome his call would have been on the Saints interception return for a touchdown that sealed the Super Bowl?

5. Joe Buck, FOX: Here's the problem with ranking Joe Buck fifth: I think he's mediocre at best as a football announcer. He can have his moments when he is really on top of things (like the fourth quarter and overtime of the Minnesota-New Orleans NFC Championship) but more often than not hearing him makes me wish someone else was in the booth. But then I look at the rest of the play-by-play guys and think Buck is better than all of them. That's the sad fact. Think he's great at baseball though. Wish he did a baseball game on FOX every weekend and then did a few lesser NFL games if he insists on doing football.

6. Mike Tirico, ESPN: Love the chemistry he has with Jaworski and Gruden, even if I don't really think he's all that great a play-by-play guy. Still think he's best cast as a studio host.

7. Jim Nantz, CBS: Solid when he hosted the NFL Today, mediocre as a play-by-play guy. Better on NFL games than he is on March Madness but there's no doubt he should basically be sent out to the Masters and tucked away in the studio the rest of the season. Perhaps he would be better if paired with better partners but he has had the misfortune of teaming up with Phil Simms all these years. Surprisingly entertaining when on Bill Simmons' podcast earlier this month.

8. Sam Rosen, FOX: Awesome on hockey. So-so at best on football. In fairness to him, FOX has teamed him with Jerry Glanville, Bill Maas and now Tim Ryan. Those three could bring down any play-by-play guy.

9. Greg Gumbel, CBS: CBS has the three best studio hosts around in James Brown, Gumbel and Nantz. Unfortunately, only one can host the NFL Today and JB is clearly the best studio host in the business (JB is without peer in this department). So Gumbel is forced to do play-by-play and he's not very good at it. The only good thing is that CBS realized he was miscast as a lead NFL play-by-play and took him out of that role a few years ago. Not a bad basketball play-by-play guy but CBS uses him in the studio there. Would be smart to put Gumbel on the March Madness games and let JB be the host.

10. Chris Myers, FOX: Not actually a good play-by-play guy and is by far best when conducting interviews but I had to move him up a few spots just because of this moment:



I laughed.
11. Ian Eagle, CBS: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Impossible for a play-by-play guy to sound more boring. Needs to be paired with someone a little more exciteable than Rich Gannon to make sure the viewer doesn't fall asleep.

12. Craig Bolerjack, CBS: Non-descript. Fortunately he's relegated to those low-level games than Enberg wants to take over so I rarely have to see him.

13. Bill Macatee, CBS: See Bolerjack. Exact same description, word-for-word, applies.

14. Ron Pitts, FOX: Now we've entered the really awful portion of the ranking. Ladies and gentleman, Ron Pitts! Here's the thing though: I actually like Pitts style. Understated. Doesn't try to take over the moment. Let's the pictures do the talking. You know, sort of like Summerall was. Unfortunately, Pitts just isn't good at it. As a former player, he engages in analysis far more than most play-by-play guys do and he's actually really good at that. FOX should either make him an analyst or put him in a Siragusa sort of role as an analyst on the sideline. I think he'd be really good at that.

15. Bob Papa, NFL Network: Completely miscast on television. I'm sure he does fine work on Giants radio broadcasts and that's where he should stay. He broadcasts on television like he is doing a radio broadcasts, seems completely confused when replays are shown and doesn't really know how to mesh with his analysts. His constant mentioning of third down conversion statistics between a certain yardage range makes me want to set my eyebrows on fire. It doesn't help that he's paired with Matt Millen, a really good analyst until you think to yourself, "Wait, isn't this the same Matt Millen who was the worst GM in NFL history?" and can no longer be taken seriously. On the bright side, it's sort of fitting that a bad play-by-play guy and the least credible analyst are the announcers for the NFL Network since, week-in and week-out, that network produces the worst broadcasts of any of the networks. So I suppose it fits.


16. Thom Brennaman, FOX: He cannot stop talking. From beginning to end, he talks. And talks. And tells stories. And talks more. His over-the-top crush on Tim Tebow when working FOX BCS games a couple years ago could best be described as "disgraceful" and "embarrassing." He's spent his whole career being a solid second-tier baseball guy, where a play-by-play guy has to fill dead time with stories. He's brought that same approach to football and it doesn't work. Not even working with Brian Billick, who is really, really good, elevates him. I'd love to see Billick teamed with someone else although really, FOX doesn't have much in the stable. Maybe he could salvage Rosen.

17. Dick Stockton, FOX: Yikes. He once had a really good voice and was generally on top of the action, even if no one has ever delivered worse calls on great moments (listen to his call of Tate George's March Madness buzzer-beater or Carlton Fisk's famous homer in Game 6 of the 1975 World Series and you'll cringe). But now, it's clear he shouldn't still be doing football games. His performance during a Jets-Falcons game last season set the play-by-play profession back about 50 years and he was rightly skewered in the New York papers and in the blogs for his performance, a game in which he misidentified players, the score and even the teams involved. And how about this classic moment:




Yeah, I know that whoever did the graphic is the one who really got it wrong but the way Stockton reads it so matter-of-factly without even thinking to himself, "wait, there was no Dawson in this game!" speaks volumes about where he is in his career.

It's time for Stockton to retire and if he's not ready to accept that, then FOX has to make the decision for him.

18. Don Criqui, CBS: I really feel bad putting Criqui here because at one point, he may have been the best in the business. I'm not even kidding about that. Go back and watch the legendary Chargers-Dolphins playoff game that Criqui worked with John Brodie and you will hear a play-by-play guy who absolutely nails it. In fact, here's his call of the famous hook-and-lateral in that game (4:14 into the clip):



In fact, if you listen closely, it's almost like there's a little bit of Gus Johnson in him. "That goes to Canton!" And it went on like that for the entire second half and all of overtime.

Now? Wow. It's really sad to listen to him. I don't think he was ever the same after NBC broke him and Bob Trumpy up.